Always on my mind...

When we hand over what we can't handle to the One who can, miracles happen. Keep me free of stress, Lord, and in the best possible place to receive Your help.


We have had in our "original" plans to do IVF through ivfvacation however with all of my planning and figuring I don't think we are going to be able to go that route. I will need to take time off work but I don't think that will be too big of a problem. We wanted Baby Girl to go with us and that is where the extra money is going to come in with the airfare and we will need to find housesitters for our furry babies.

Latley I have really been struggling with my weight since we have moved and do not have our farm anymore I am not as active and I have gained about 15 maybe even 20 pounds and in 6 months that is bad, not to mention I already was overweight. Many times it does not bother me to be over weight because I was active and I didnt (and still dont) care what others think of me. But this is getting to me because when I do the smallest things I get out of breath and I'm tired a lot. Ok, enough about whining about my wt!

CPSIA

After further investigating (upon myself), these are some of the facts that I have come across.

There are many subjects that President Obama is considering all of our opinions which I think is wonderful, so like voting take advantage of it and let him know where you stand.
Thanks for taking the time to look at this.

~~VOTE~~
Anyone who produces or sells any of the following new or used items will be required to comply with the law: toys, books, clothing, art, educational supplies, materials for the learning disabled, bicycles, and more. Any uncertified item intended for children under the age of 12 will be considered contraband after February 10, 2009. It will be illegal to sell or give these items away to charities, and the government will require their destruction or permanent disposal, resulting in millions of tons of unnecessary waste, and placing an enormous strain on our landfills.

The top votes will be presented to President Obama and we have a chance they will change this.Vote now and please tell everyone you know to vote!

Please vote now http://www.change.org/ideas/view/save_handmade_toys_from_the_cpsia

~~Write to your represenatives~~
Etsy made a drafted letter for our convience to add our info, print and send and let our represenatives know. go here to help http://www.etsy.com/storque/craftivism/handmade-childrens-items-unintended-consequences-consumer-pr-3056/

More information from Etsy.com~~ (who is a great resource to learn all about this)
Etsy's Blog http://blog.buyhandmade.org/

Keep spreading the word, it is truely sad that many of the crafters are stay at home mom's who care a great deal about everything that their children do including the clothes that they wear.

CPSIA

Please pass the word!
I was just made aware of this and I am posting for all of my fellow bloggers to read about this and pass along.
I was browsing etsy.com which is a wonderful site to purchase all handmade chemical free, and safe toys and clothing for children and also other crafts. I just noticed this and have been reading about this and I will look into more and more and post and share with others. Please don't pass this by and share with every one!

http://www.etsy.com/storque/craftivism/handmade-childrens-items-unintended-consequences-consumer-pr-3056/

Home sweet Home

Home should be the happiest place to be. Fill it with love, laughter and good conversation. Lord, give us Your peace and teach us to share it.





How true, I love my home I love it so much that I don't want to leave. I am a certified home-body, too much that I have become lazy.
We had lost our home this past summer (2008), and are now in a small mobile home. We have always been the type of family that "Home is where the Heart is".

Let God

Don't worry about tomorrow because God is already taking care of it. Lord, help me set aside needless worry and anxiety so that I have time to do all that I need to do today.

Just when I start to get overwhelmed by my thoughts, I looked up my daily inspiration and this is what I came across.
We went visiting with friends this weekend, one set of friends of ours has kids Baby Girls age (and one of their daughters has a baby). And Girl friend said I'm so glad we (meaning her and her dh) did not go through and have a baby, this baby stuff is for the birds-puking, diaper changing, up in the middle of the night, and in the next 8 years we will be kid free. That was my thinking about a year ago I think I was trying to psyc. myself or just get myself in the mind set of not having anymore kids. So hearing that put my wheel turning again.
Thinking that maybe I shouldn't get back on the baby train again, am I going to set myself up for heart break again? but I never give up, why give up now? especially when I feel so good about this? just one more time, when is my last-one more time?
Is this life I have right now what is meant to be and I need to roll with it? Not that I'm complaining at all. The visions were just getting cloudy again. I prayed and prayed and I'm trying so hard not to get obsessed with this again that I stress out. Then I read my devotional today. ~~~EXHALE~~~
Just take one day at a time, one step at a time. And if it happens and if it's part of God's plan it will be, if not I will have to accept it and roll with it.
I can honestly say that all of our years TTC this is the most relaxed and at peace I have been, I know a big part of it is I pray about it, blog, then pray again and let go, let God.
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Baby Kenny is doing wonderful, he is actually breathing 40% on his own, taking mamas milk. Thanks again so much for all your prayers!

Baby Kenny

Power prayers are working! Baby Kenny is doing great he is hanging in there quite well. Just a stat. he was born weighing 2#2oz and at that gestation is a good wt for him.
Thanks to all for your prayers!

Always loved, never forgotten, forever missed

We have many doors, but it is our choice which one to open. Lord, bless me with the wisdom to make the best of my daily life.

I have always had all of my angel babies in my thoughts and I have been looking for a piece of jewelry that would memorialize them. About 3 years ago a close friend of mine that had me for secret sister at church had been giving me gifts that had butterflies on them, and ornament and stained glass lantern, necklace and after I had my mc she gave me a very beautiful sun catcher that had an angel holding a butterfly and a very beautiful poem. Ever since then I had started collecting butterflies and they are a reminder to me of my babies in heaven. I had come across some beautiful jewelry but nothing just fit the piece. I was browsing on etsy yesterday and this was the first thing that came up on my search. I was mine!!! so I cannot wait to get this!

Prayer Partners summoned Please...

my hubbys childhood friend~that is almost family had to have emergency C-section today. She was 24wks and 4 days along. I do not have very many details but as of now baby Kenny is fighting, I posted this pic of him holding daddy's finger. They had been trying for a few years and this is their 2nd pregnancy, the first ended in MC.
Please pray for Lorri, Chad, and baby Kenny.
Thanks so much!

My Spawn

If the strong won't protect the weak, who will? Lord, grant me the courage to stand up for what I believe and the wisdom to be an encouragement to others .


This is the book that I had ordered for Baby Girl for her birthday. She is very creative, artistic and she has shown a lot of interest in photography. I am on the search for a very nice camera for her to start with this craft.
She has begging me for a tattoo since she was 13 and I have been going back and forth on getting one for her 16Th birthday. I know many people have said she should wait until she is 18 or older and that it is a permanent mark (I have a few, her bio-dad has many). She has researched and designed a catalog of tattoos she wants. She is very understanding of the permanency of a tattoo. I have always been encouraging of her in anything that she decides to do. She gets good grades at school, she is responsible when it comes to letting me know where she is at and being respectful of asking and not telling me what she is going to do. She is a yes ma'am, please and thank you, treat others how you want to be treated, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all, responsible of the animals that she begged me for-BamBam and her 3 cats, and the biggest thing that I am SO proud of her for is her commitment to her abstinence and her Devotion to God. I truly believe she is so wise beyond her years.

Not only is her abstinence is a commitment to God she has been through a lot of experiences in her short lived life. Her Aunt that she was very close to had AIDS and died when she was 3 years old. She also is so much like her Aunt, creative, ambitious, and individual not a follower, a beautiful singer, independent, and very loving and committed to her family.
She had a cousin that had a baby at age of 13 and and more, however her cousin lead a very good life and is a very responsible parent married the father, got a good job and a home for their children.
We had a friend of a friend that her daughter had HPV and died from it rather quickly.
Then our infertility she has been through everything with us, and she so desperately wants to be a big sister as much as we want more children. She told me mom sex and having babies are a precious gift from God and it is not to be taken for granted one second. For some kids these life scenarios do not affect them. Baby Girl has always taken in everything and tried to learn from others mistakes and not make them her own~ which I know she got that from me :)





This Pic is of Baby Girl and her BF, which the pic is a beautiful example of her BFF's photography.











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I really need help!!!!
I have some images and counters that I want to add to the sidebar (add to my gadgets). They are off the web and I cannot get this function to work? I have went to the help bar and tried it every diffrent way.
I am trying to add a memorial counter from my miscarriage from snugglepie.com.
any tips will be greatly appreciated!!

Hugs~~~

Hope is starting to float

Smooth seas don't make skillful sailors. Lord, teach me as I am able to learn so that I may grow from my difficulties and become the person You intended.


Ok, I'm now starting to build up on Hope again and the TTC obsession is beginning all over. Have I been here before? Do I want to go here again? I have to tell my story to another doctor all over again.
I just went to my "yearly" and my nurse recommend that we get the ball rolling again. My OB had moved and I will need to see a new Dr.
The office that I had been going to for years now is getting more specialized in infertility, gosh wonder why?
I really do like all of the staff there, the receptionist both in front and check out are very nice and they have been there for years, which these days it is really hard to find anyplace that has a familiar face when you go in each time.
So anyway, I set up an appointment to see a new Dr., I have to go get some blood work done, and a few days before my appointment I need to have an ultrasound done, oh how I love to drink a truck full of water, drive to the office, sit in a waiting room, and then have someone push on my belly. I can't wait!
Rewind to before the appointment I was in the waiting lounge, which is a very beautiful and relaxing office. I came across the conceive magazine, which I have seen before and had one copy and I had forgotten all about this magazine until now. I started flipping through it and there is a lot of new do it yourself at home technology, since we were "seriously" ttc. There is conception kit, little microscopes to look at the sperm, ovulation monitors-which are really diff rent than the ones I had seen, and many more helpers. So I have been no use at work this afternoon, I have been researching, just when I think that I have seen it all, and also went to the Conceive magazine website (which I have linked to the side bar to the right).
So right now in plans are to start eating healthier, start consuming the proper vitamins for both Papa and I, and being more active. We are going to still have in our plans to go to ivfvacation. I have a very minimal maximum for infertility on my health insurance and I want to maximize that by getting Papa a semen analysis, I need to get a lapo done, and get the work ups like the blood works and ultrasounds, and maybe have enough left to do a couple rounds with clomid?
I actually feel good about this, I know a big part of it is that I have given ALL to God, we will do our parts. I really believe that is why I do not feel stressed and that really does take a lot, I know over the years I have lost hope and honestly I will say that I did lose some faith. But now more than ever I have all my faith and the hope is starting to rise.
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Baby Girl's Sweet 16
Last night I filled out about 45 invites by hand, and stuffed with directions, licked, put return labels, and a stamp on. This morning they were off to there invitees and Baby Girl took some to school to pass out.
So I have a list of things to do these next few weeks to get prepared. She wants a taco bar which as part of her Birthday post in 21 days I will tell you about a very cute story of her and her love of Mexican food. Don't let me forget- I'll put it on my list....
Speaking of list, I have so many of them-Grocery, honey-do for Papa, Baby girl party, my honey-do, my wish list for ttc, long term goal list, budget list, dinner list, new years resolution list (which I really do not like calling it that, I like calling it life altering list) and lists at work. I used to think my grandmother was goofy for having sticky notes all over the house, now I'm following in her foot steps.

On my knees Thanking God

When you act out of love and selfless concern, you are doing that which is right. Lord, I am Your servant in my daily life.

I was searching today for a devotional and daily inspiration and I came across this quote this morning. How fitting for my thoughts.

Yesterday as I was running my errands for work I had to go near the mall and this area is a "uppity" wealthy area.
I was at the stop light and to my right was a woman holding a sign, "Honest Mom, will work for food and clothing for my family, God Bless You".
I wanted to get out of the car pull her in and spend every last dollar on groceries and clothes for her kids. Now I have seen homeless men before and I have seen it on television and I know it is real. But something about this woman brought me to my knees. She had her head down in, standing out in the cold surviving. I pulled over and took every last dollar I had in my wallet which was a measly $23 and I asked her name, it's Linda. I'm going to pray for Linda and her family every night.
I don't care about her story, ~what I mean is that I am not here to judge her, I'm here to help my sister, and pray for her. From woman to woman and mother to mother, weather we do not have children or not we need to help our children.
So last night as I was saying my prayers I again was thanking God for
my family that I do have,
a warm home with warm bed,
a even as much as I grip about it this puge around my belly because I have food to eat,
and my job which I do grip about having to drive 50 miles each way, but I do have a job that I like too,
and of course for having God as my father.
Amen

No thoughts

Is it numbness? or is it acceptance?


Have not had too many baby thoughts these days, maybe it is because I have been hibernating in the house and not going out to the stores where I will get bombarded by the pregnant women and the babies. That always keeps my mind off it.


Every thing else has been running through my mind, loosing weight which I have gained almost 15 pounds this winter, doing activites other than watching t.v. all the time, which I want to read more, blog more, and get back to my sewing and crocheting again.





I have an appointment with my OB this week and I am going to set up with her an appointment for a Lapo and break the news to her about getting the IVF done overseas.





I have been keeping up with a chat group called fertilichat.com and there is a great post about male infertility and a poster that is quite knowledgeable about Male infertility factor and give great suggestions about vitamins to take and foods to avoid and also he gives good explanations of all of the terms for male infertility and helps explain test results to both the men and women on there.

So anyway, I had been lurking and lurking and researching on here and some other sites and I have incorperated into Papa's daily routine some vitamins and herbs. Along with myself in trying to make sure I take better care of myself too and babygirl has been taking vitamins too, which she does not eat all that healthy durning the day.



I also am planning Baby Girls Sweet 16 birthday party! I'm off on my lunch break to get invatiations so I can mail them out ASAP as the party is going to be Jan. 31st! She made me swear that I would not spend lots of money on her party. AWW! I want to spend all the money I have and give her the biggest bash ever! She so deserves it.

We are going to have it at our church because our tiny mobile home just wont host over 100 people, and really she is a bon fire, picnic girl. So this summer we are going to have a nice pig roast with a bunch of friends on our property up north so that will be her bash.