Think about the grocery list

9/30/08
Aunt Flo was scheduled to visit 9/26/08 sometimes she's a day late sometimes she's a day early but never 4, 5, 6, 7, I finally told Pappa that I was late. He said all we can do is hope.
Every single time I went to the bathroom I was scared to wipe! then happy when it was clean! and no blood! It seem like I went to the bathroom more just to see.
This couldnt happen, nothing this hard ever happens this easy for us. We just lost our house and were living in a much smaller place, I just started a new job. But none of that matters! Has God given us another reason to live for? day 8 came day 9 came we were driving to get some grocries and it just popped in my head~ this is around the exact same time that I was pregnant 2 years ago, so I grabbed my calendar and started figuring and the due date would have been in June, June that the babies were due. I was in such a daze, I didn't know if I should tell Pappa, I just think that I would Jinx this!
so of course one of the things that went in the cart was a test.
We got home and I set it on the counter, got a bowl of chex and started watching TV. I did not want to be dissapointed. So after about 3 hours I did it. NEGATIVE!! somethings wrong? so I thought well I'll just get another test and test in the morning. SO was up about 5:30am and that test was also neg. ? Well later on in the day I started my period-I have to think this way but by today which is the first day that I have not bled (7 day long period, mine usually last 3 at the most).

Today it has been really bothering me, so I reconnected with the world of infertility. I noticed that Infant loss Awareness is Oct. 15. Even more of a reason for me to blog, I always feel some sense of release when I put it in writing.
I guess the saying don't think about it, quit trying so hard and it will happen does not work either?